Beowulf is an upsetting movie. First of all, it’s a bit of a bastardization of the source material. Okay, whatever. But that Ray Winstone, where does he get off with his “I am Beowulf!” crap? He totally stole that from Kirk Douglas in Spartacus. Also, Angelina Jolie. Yes, she’s mostly nekkid. Great. But is she that gorgeous in real life? No. In real life, she is a scary Skeletor woman, these days. I watch Beowulf, I get all excited, then I realize — oh, it’s just skeleton lady. My point is, this film miffs me.
Thankfully, Mike, Bill, and Kevin will be taking this movie apart for their next Rifftrax. You’re going to need the unrated director’s cut of the film, in order for it to be compatible with the Rifftrax. The commentary is out on March 18. I’m a Beowulf. Don’t you want to be a Beowulf too?