James Lileks to Guest on Rifftrax?

First of all, let me just start by saying that the above image is the most usable picture of James Lileks that Google Image Search could provide me with. It comes from this blog, so no, I didn’t photoshop this image myself, to fulfill some sort of sinister grudge against Mr. Lileks.

Okay, moving on. Satellite News pointed out that Lileks recently mentioned that he is doing a “super-secret project with Mike Nelson.” Now, unless this project truly is super-secret, odds are that he’s referring to performing a Rifftrax with Mike, with whom he’s friends. So, um, yay? I don’t really know who this guy is. According to SN, he works for the Minnesota Star-Tribune and used to be a radio host. The guys at SN seem to think it’s a good idea, so I’ll buy that.

Lindsay With A Whip: Lohan Wants A “Kitten” Remake

Generally speaking, the MST3K LiveJournal community isn’t good for much beyond incessant quoting of Mystery Science Theater dialogue, but occasionally something interesting pops up, like this interesting tidbit: It seems that not only is resident starlet-with-a-deathwish Lindsay Lohan a fan of Ann-Margret’s performance in Kitten With a Whip, but she wants to remake the once-MSTed film. Quoth her:

I look to [Marilyn Monroe] in The Seven Year Itch, just like I look to Ann-Margret in Kitten With a Whip, which is one of my favorite movies, and which I’m actually trying to remake.

I’ve got to be honest with you, I actually don’t think this is a bad idea. I mean, sure, whatever Lohan manages to do with Kitten‘s concept is bound to suck worse than the original (which I actually don’t think is all that bad of a movie; it had me riveted, during my first viewing). Still, I think the story could benefit from a modern adaptation and, if it sucks, it’ll at least be good riff fodder. That Lindsay can sure make a good b-movie. And Lord knows she plays a good floozy.

Rifftrax Riffs On Politics, Hilarity (and Hillary) Ensues

A year-or-so ago, Mike Nelson did some humorous voiceovers overtop of some California political ads. Fortunately, he’s finally taken the opportunity to do a repeat performance, this time for the current crop of Presidential candidates. You can find the ads embedded in Mike’s post, and I’ve embedded my favorite above. They’re all surprisingly solid, though. After the break, I’ve also embedded one clip that seems to be missing from the latest edit(?) of Mike’s blog.

I’d like to make a special request, however: Could we please kill that big, booming voice at the end of every clip? It’s really, really annoying, not to mention tacky as all get-out. Pretty please? For ol’ Hugh?

Happy Birthday, Joe Don Baker!

Every MSTie’s favorite beer drinker turns 72 today. Watch Mitchell in his honor. Just don’t let Joe Don see you laughing. After the break, enjoy the unMSTed, original form of the Mitchell theme song which, unfortunately, plays during the famous love scene. And when I say “enjoy,” I mean “try not to be repulsed by,” and when I say “love scene,” I mean “crime against the human spirit.”

Next Rifftrax: Jurassic Park — with Weird Al Yankovic!

OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH! Weird Al is doing the next Rifftrax!

This post could easily end right there, but that just wouldn’t be journalistic integrity, folks. [NOTE: When I said "journalistic," I vomited in my own mouth.] Yeah, “Weird Al” Yankovic is guest-riffing on Mike Nelson’s next Rifftrax. The film in question will be Steven Spielberg’s ode to people looking at things, Jurassic Park. This blessed event hits on February 5th, same day as Giant Gila Monster. Man, 2008 rocks, so far.

Bonnie ‘Hammerzeit’ Hammer Leaves Sci-Fi

Bonnie Hammer, long-time head of The Sci-Fi Channel and the woman who cancelled such shows as Farscape, Stargate SG-1, and — oh, what’s it called? That puppet show in space, with the guy? You know the one. Anyway, she has left her position as the network’s chief. Despite dragging the network down into a disgusting, rippling orgy of pro wrestling, paranormal reality shows, and atrocious b-movies starring actors who once appeared on Stargate, she has helped the network rise to a “No. 6 channel” — apparently, at the cost of actual, good science fiction.

In closing, I would like to quote the last lines of her Wikipedia entry:

Hammer is a published author and an accomplished photographer. Many fans of the sci-fi network wish she would quit that job and concentrate on her accomplished photography.

Your time has come, fans. Your time has come.

R.I.P. Vampira

Somehow, tragically, this almost seems to have slipped under most people’s radars (unless I just haven’t been paying attention), but Vampira died on Thursday. Though this isn’t directly MST3K-related, Vampira is very much a significant part of b-movie history. She’s probably best known for her appearance as a zombie in Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space, a film which the MST3K writing staff rejected numerous times, due to how narration-heavy the film is. Mike Nelson, however, later recorded a commentary for the film for Legend Films, in his pre-Rifftrax days.

Prior to Plan 9, the eerily gorgeous and impossibly thin-waisted Vampira (aka Maila Nurmi) served as a popular cult TV host during the ’50s, hosting horror films. Basically, if you have no knowledge of her, you need to go educate yourself, MSTie. Sadly, it appears that she had no remaining family members at the time of her death. She passed on quietly, in her sleep. She was 86.

[Thanks to Adam for the tip.]

Lee Van Birthday

Today, I’d like to acknowledge the birthday of Lee Van Cleef. True, most people know the late, great Mr. Van Cleef as the spokesman for Midas Mufflers and Cheetos. But what few people realize is that Lee actually did some proper acting on the side. You may have unknowingly seen him in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes It Conquered the World and the famed Master Ninja duology. He even appeared in one or two western films. So, to the memory of that fellow New Jersian, I dedicate this post. One more video after the break.

“You came back from the dead for this,” you ask? Yes.

Paul Anka Does It His Way, Baby

Since he rocked America gently to sleep in Girls Town, Canadian crooner Paul Anka has actually had a pretty decent career in music. In fact, he’s still movin’ and groovin’, and he released a brand spanking new album, last Tuesday. Well, sorta new. It’s an album of covers. In fact, they’re covers of bands like The Killers, Billy Joel, Foreigner, and mighty Duran Duran.

If you go to the above link, you can find a preview mp3 of his swingin’ take on The Killers’ “Mr. Brightside.” It’s not nearly as rad as it could be, but it’s not nearly as bad as it should be. It definitely sounds like a fun impulse buy, for you impulsive MSTies out there. So buy it, all you lovely big spenders. Paul’s a lonely boy. Love him, won’t you?

Ingmar Bergman, Dead at 89

Legendary film director Ingmar Bergman finally lost at chess and died peacefully on Monday at his home in Sweden. Though, obviously, none of his films were of the low quality that Mystery Science Theater attracted, there is a connection to the show. In episode 617, The Sword and The Dragon, Mike and the Bots gave their interpretation of how Bergman would’ve filmed a joke. In his honor, I submit that scene to you, above.

Heinlein, Botched

In 1959, Robert A. Heinlein wrote one of the classic sci-fi stories of all time, Starship Troopers. Though popular, it only ever seemed to generate negative feedback. At the time, the book was controversial for its seemingly militaristic perspective. Many called it an endorsement of fascism, others claiming that it was guilty of both utopianism and racism. Then, in 1997, the pert Denise Richards and clothing-resistant Dina Meyers bounced onto movie screens and made everyone completely forget about all that crap, with the ultra-violent, testosterone-riddled Starship Troopers. But did you know that this wasn’t the first time that a Heinlein story was shat on by Hollywood?

I recently came across an excellent two-page article on The Space Review about the movie featured in MST episode 109, Project Moonbase. Yep, Moonbase is an adaptation of a Heinlein story. Who knew that MST did Heinlein? Not I. (I’m not particularly familiar with the episode, obviously.) Unlike the big-screen Troopers, which dumbed everything down and completely lost the original’s focus, Moonbase didn’t do nearly as much of a disservice to the source material as one might think. The article goes on to point out the film’s surprising strengths and similarities to Heinlein’s original vision, as well as its many cringe-worthy failures, particularly the way it treats gender.

It’s an interesting read for anyone with an interest in the movies that our beloved puppets hurled their poisonous barbs at. Which, to a degree, should be all of you. Give it a read. You’ve got nothing better to do. Trust me.

Space Chief Packs It In

Space Chief himself, Sonny Chiba, just recently announced that he’s retiring from action movies. Well, specifically the article at iF Magazine says it’s his “retirement from action stardom under his Japanese stage name,” so take that as you will. Apart from his arguably classic turn in Invasion of the Neptune Men, American audiences will also know him from Kill Bill Vol. 1, and American audiences will also wish that they didn’t know him from The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. Chiba, whose real name is Sadaho Maeda, is actually quite famous in Japan, as Neptune Men was only the fourth of his now 100+ films. His retirement was prompted by a nasty asthma attack on the set of a recent Japanese TV period drama. Isn’t that always the way? It appears that he’ll be devoting much of his time to his acting school, Thousand Leaves Hollywood. Godspeed, Chief.

Hey! Hey! Frank Dietz Interview. Hey!

Pink Raygun has a short but enjoyable interview with everyone’s favorite would-be Adam West slayer, Frank Dietz. It’s good to see that there’s still no bitterness towards MST for headshotting his Zombie Nightmare.

Picking Up The Tab

Sorry, folks. I had a load of posts ready to go up yesterday, but life is often unpredictable and, well, I’m even worse. So, you get the news late. Again. I’ll post again, later today.

Anyway, yesterday was the 76th birthday of none other than the oh-so impeccably-named Tab Hunter, star of one of my favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theater, San Francisco International. Treat (Williams) yourself to a touch (Connors) of Tab and order his autobiography, “Tab Hunter Confidential.” Go ahead. Run that Tab. I salute you, Mr. Hunter. Keep on… uh, hunting tabs?

Z’Dar and Tab: MSTies?

There are few things I like more than hearing that a MSTed actor or director doesn’t have a stick up his heinder, and they actually kind of enjoy Mystery Science Theater. Fortunately, two boardies from the MST forums managed to find a couple of these down-to-earth individuals.

In this thread, ashkenaz says that he met Robert Z’Dar, of Future War and Soultaker fame, at some sort of convention. In talking with Robert, it was discovered that he’s actually a fan of the show and even wishes it would return. Meanwhile, boardie Mitchell (not that one; this one smells better) met San Francisco International‘s Tab Hunter at a book signing. It’s an awesome little story and there are pictures. Read about it here.

It’s good to hear of two more actors joining the ranks of Beverly Garland, Miles O’Keefe, and Russell Johnson. Maybe Joe Don will start to wise up…